-
i took a shower. a medium warm one. kayleigh will be here soon. i made the coolest cd mixed package ive ever made for her. and i feel refreshed. isn’t it funny how things that have no value to other people- making mixed media notes and packages with medical tape and old adds and quotes from writers who understand some vital part of me- things that my parents care nothing for- that most people throw away- they make me feel. they make me feel refreshed. it’s like remembering who i am. remembering what i enjoy- after forgetting for so long. and it’s funny because no one cares. you can throw them away. but in my mind they’re all there. piles and piles of them. notes. and i took a shower tonight- really that is the greatest success of all… i am clean.
-
this is one of my favorite things about tom.
(Source: regalkinghiddles, via tnoelle09)
-
in no way have i ever claimed to be a “trooper” or have some high thresh hold of pain. instead i am the invalid who bares the horror not in silence- but in commentary.
i stayed home sick from work.The pain, the restlessness, the acheyness of it all-
it had convinced me that I had been the first to contract the modern day plague and would soon be a sojourner of this earth no more. And so the day began.
hours spent in the bathroom. falling asleep on the floor.
then finally moving to the couch- i was sure it would be my final resting place.after a fitful and sweaty nap (if it can even be called such a thing)
i arose out of my deathsleep to realize my pain was no figment of my imagination.my roomate got home from work.
i believe that in the midst of my crying salty hot tears i managed to screech “Why has God forsaken me?!!! I’m dying! I’m dying.” at my roommate, answered only with a full-bellied laugh and his astute observation “I love it when you cry- You look pitiful.” Of course this sent me into a spiral of honest weeping in agreeance- a poor choice being that i was obviously dehydrated- I kept crying and wishing death would come and stop being such a slow bitch.He promised he’d bring me back soup from Panera after meeting a friend there later.
After 4 hours of relentless boredom and restlessness- watching the entire 3rd season of 30 Rock, a total of four times -He returned to me with Broccoli Cheddar in hand - and I COULDNT EVEN EAT IT.
finally the night had come to an end.
life still clinging to me, though i wished it would say its final salutations.
my roomate tucked me in and said…
“Justine- everytime you are sick you think you’re dying. YOU ARE WRONG 100% OF THE TIME.”
and that is how i know i have one of the funniest roomates in the world. -
High-res →
i feel like some sort of boot bat signal was turned on two days ago- and it signaled all of the young american women to put on their brown tall buckle boots.
this i don’t understand.
how did you all decide to get them out of your closet on the same day?- did someone tweet #everyonewithbighairputyourcamelcoloredbootsontoday?
- why are they all a brownish tan color?
- do you actually enjoy fake buckles? does it foster a fake sense of safety?
- do think they’re “cute” or did someone tell you that?
- is there an underground protest of black boots going on?
- where’s the diversity? did you try and find the most average boot?
- is the dye in any other shade of boot poisonous?
- do you really all like the same thing? all of you?
i don’t know what the deal is. but i’ve already taken way too long to think about it. i’m surprised by everyone’s lack of creativity.
i’m confused and in awe of such a phenomenon.
IM GONNA GET SOME.
-
.faces made for smiling but we are weeping.
my day.
i woke up.
decided to sleep more.
got up.
decided to check my student loans.
cried.
decided to call the loan people.
they aren’t open on sundays.
cried.
checked my bank account.
made a budget.
cried.
decided to make spagetti to eat for the rest of the week.
cried.
looked up few art schools in the area.
cried.
decided to cook chicken and couscous for the rest of the week.
cried.
read josh garrels blog.
cried super hard.
cut up some vegetables to snack on later.
cried.
watched some of my favorite vimeo guy’s videos.
cried hysterically.
justin got home.
cried.
laughed.
justin took me to payless.
saw jeffry jackson with great hair.
couldn’t find tupperware.
cried (in aisle 8.)
laughed.
came home and made cucumber water.
didn’t cry.
went on an adventure with justin.
listened to bon iver, bon iver.
cried.
laughed.
sat on a tree near the water while he was drawing.
smoked a clove.
laughed.
sat on a bridge.
cried.
drew.
swang on swings with my gymnast roomate.
smacked him in the face with a mushroom.
cried so hard on the way back, so very hard.
justin bought me cherry coke and donut holes.
i put in the vhs tape of ‘the borrowers’
a boy i once knew randomly texted me a video link to him doing telekinesis.
it was really good.today wasn’t a bad day at all.
weird. -
today after a long day of work-
i opened my door and walked into my house.
it was dark. no one was around.and spinal tap was on with french subtitles.
alone- i laughed until i cried. -
.adventures of a delusional mind. …………………………………………adventures in starbucks.
i now live- in the land of empty buildings and hot houses.
so i enjoy going somewhere that has airconditioning where i can sit for a few hours without the distractions of being in a place with more options.
thusly starbucks is a nice place to be.
recently i’ve been visiting that establishment frequently because of previous statements made. also i thuroughly enjoy their passionfruit iced tea lemonade unsweetened.
so going there a lot.
i’ve watched and enteracted with 3 of their baristas
sparatically- on a regular basis.
and recently- i came up with an idea: i need to be their friend.
they are friends. i want to be their friend.
i’d like some new friendships.
where i get to know people i don’t know. and laugh.
and things.
break the starbucks barrier.
to try and actually be their real friend.
this is immediately the first and almost most important issue.
so i wanted to jot down what has transpired up until this time.
First let me describe to you each of them.
DiscriptionsBarista 1- Let’s call him Froofle.
Froofle has blonde hair and was the first one who engaged my attention with overt humor and charm. After several normal interactions- he was the first of three that i really thought “wow, i’d like to be his friend. he’s funny and strange.” also we are facebook friends for some odd reason, that i do not remember. i think i added him, which is unusual.Barsita 2- His name shall be Chiefton.
Chiefton has hair, dark. He also seems to be the nicest and easiest to speak to. He seems like a ginuine person. He is friends, well they all are friends with my normal friend Reagan. But i think He is the closest to her. i think they vibe. and i dig it. So I felt like i already had an “in” with him.Barista 2- Let’s call him Jumungee.
Jumungee has great hair, in a wisp of confidance and slight goofiness. He leans twards the hipster side of fashion and attitude. And what is so
intemidating about him is that every time he looks at me or i see him- he looks like he wants to murder my face. he looks like he’d enjoy hitting me, like i have one of those faces you just want to hit. Also he smokes cigarettes and never speaks to me. nor i to him. so he seems to be the least likeable of the bunch, so i imagined i’d win him over by winning the other two first.
Now let us move onto enteractions.
Enteractions:After building a bit of a slight repor with Froofle, bringing in mutual aquaintances and ordering drinks- I decided to say something.
1. (after normal enteractions have come and gone. on the fateful day i decided to flip a mental switch that i have not been able to flip back.)
I was with my normal friend and we had ordered drinks and he was making them. I stood there and I said
me: I want to work here just so that I can be your friend
froof: we are friends
me: can you get your hand off of the lid of my water, that’s gross.
froof: it’s not touching it
me: no like a real friend who does things
froof: wanna go see super 8? i hear it’s super great!
me: (walk away without saying anything because i couldn’t tell if he was serious or not and it was so awkward. this was the beginging of many instances yet to come)
2. (that morning i had decided to get on facebook and look before i met katelynn at starbucks- it just so happened to say on the side - that it was froofle’s birthday.)
froof: hey friend
me: hey happy birthday
froof: howd you know that?
me: facebook on accident, not in a creepy way
froof: see we’re facebook friends
me: yeah facebook friends and starbucks friends, but not real friends.
froof: (looks at me with a fake sad face and walked away into the back- never coming back out. i laughed sooo hard.)
3. (i went up to order a drink for my friend after getting myself one earlier)
chief: what can i get you
me: you seem really nice, it’s weird.
chief: i’m not that nice, i assure you.
me: i don’t know if i believe that. (drink order)
chief: not so nice now- that i’ve poisoned it. (hands me the drink)
me: glad it’s not for me.
4. (walk into Starbucks and Jumungee is dancing and playing the airdrums)
me: i smile and nodd my head.
jum: stops abbruptly and walks away. not embarassed. just stops.
5. (i see that Froofle isn’t working but is listening to headphones while he’s on his computer. and i’m trying to avoid actually studying the Bible so i decided to try and distract myself with some possible new friendship)
me: how important is what youre doing?
froof: (takes out earbuds) what?
me: is what you’re doing extremely important?
froof: only my career depends upon it.
is what you’re doing extremely important?
me: only my spiritualy life depends on it.
froof: mine is more important.
me: (starring at the tattoo on his wrist)
froof: staring at my bracelet? it’s from CIY- christ in youth, know em?
me: i’m sure i’ve heard of them.
froof: continues talking about something.
me: i walk away while he’s talking, thinking that perhaps that would be mysterious enough for him to want to be friends. or be intriuged.
5.
me: order drink, looking like i’ve obviously been crying.
chief: how are you?
me: marvelous
chief: somehow i don’t believe that.
me: who are you?
chief: me? (keeps talking as i walk away, thinking yet again that would be mysterious and intriuging. and that he’d think “i want to be friends with that girl”)
6.
me: (sees froofle come in while i’m with holly, drew, and reagan. and i ignore his pressence.)
7. (walked in with my goodlooking friend Jimmy, they now know i have good looking male friends)
me: talking to Jimmy about snowcones.
Jimmy: talking about how gross silver fox is
froof: talked about how good silver fox and rootbeer is.
8. (walking in arm and arm with my obviously a lesbian friend kelsey)
me: ordered drink, sat outside with her, and laughed, and talked until they closed.
(may have led them to believe that i am not hitting on them because i’m a lesbian)
9. (last saturday in the drivethrough with reagan driving)
jum: (talking to reagan)
me: fantastic v-neck you have on, sir! (his hispter chest hair was protruding out from underneath his apron)
jum: it’s not a v-neck, it’s a regualar shirt. mmmk. well.
me: go reagan, drive.
10. (thursday)
jum: making my drink.
me: takes a lot of confidance to wear man jewlry.
jum: what?
me: im just saying not a lot of men wear jewlry, takes a lot of confidance.
jum: thanks, i guess?
me: walked away realizing how retarted that was.
11. (today- drive through with me driving and holly getting something)
me: pulled up to the speaker laughing and talking. ordered.
lady: i want to be on whatever you guys are on.
me: snow cones. and a little Jesus.
chief: haaa. snow cones and jesus.
me: yep.
chief: you ladies watching the Women’s World Cup?
me: isn’t that over? i’m not really into women grunting.
chief: i’m into soccer. it’s soccer.
me: oh yeah, soccer, fun to watch.
holly: yeah soccer.
me: enjoy your life! (sped away as quickly as possible in my car.)
these are just the bad choices that i can remember-up to date.
i’m praying there won’t be any more.
but we all know that isn’t feesable.
so now- i’m thinking i should try and cool off.
my original plan was to say something like“i’m in the market for friends. i’m looking to fill a couple spots and i was thinking we could possible set up a friend date- two hours of hangage and if our friendship qualities and styles don’t work out then stay aquaintances. you in?”
but now i’ve been advised to say something more like:“im offically apologizing for walking away while you were talking or being incredibly awkward- i don’t know how to be normal.”
i’d like to be their friends.
but more and more Chiefton seems to be the best friendship material.
he seems nice. i don’t really know if i’ve ever been friends with someone
ginuinely nice before or if it could even work.
what i really am looking for out of these dudes- is some new people to learn. i don’t need to care about them deeply or even try hard- just would like some fun variety. i’m guessing it’s never going to happen, but not for lack of effort and trying out new tactics. now i know how not to make friends with starbucks employees. at least it’s been a fantastic distraction. -
.vitamin shut it.
me: What vitamins do you recommend?
dad: TAKE WHAT YOU WANT!
-
if i could marry a song, not the artist, just a song. i’d marry skinny love.
not because it’s new. or the best song ever. not because it never gets old. not because it’s perfect. because it is none of those things. but because if that song and i were in a relationship…
if i married that song- we’d stay in bed together all day. needless to say, it would be amazing.
and when we got up- we’d make tea.
and walk barefoot through the garden that smells like citrus.
then we’d hold each other and nap in the sun. we’d read books in a field. and when we couldn’t concentrate we’d write and draw and paint and create and sing silly songs and goof around.
and then we’d go back to bed. with cold sheets and the fan on.
and we’d make out to entire cds (someone told me that was amazing)
-
.what direction.
i had a strange dream last night. it included a boy i once new, a hoarder’s house where a party was held, school, and india. it was peaceful. so strange.
today i wore this shirt. over my light blue dress. and my lime green nike trainers.
walked out to my car- i had left the windows down all night- and the ominous storming hadn’t reminded me that i had left them down, i had no clue. now my car smells like a giant marsh with those cactills. i wouldn’t be surprised if some form of life was found in there tommorow.
went to the bank, through the drive through- it took way longer than it ever does with Phillip. and when he finally gave me my money- he gave me a sucker as well- i guess i look and sound like i’m twelve, and i’m thankful for it.
met jimmy at starbucks- he bought me lunch at target and then we got mango snow castle. what a magical day. i love that young man.then i hung out at starbucks and studied the patriarchs-
and the call came:
i got the job, the job i want. the thrift store for the christian center.
i am bamboozeled.
and people say “they’re so proud of me” but it wasn’t me.
it wasn’t me at all.
this was due ONLY to devine intervention.if it was up to me- i would’ve word vomitted just like i always do.
but it was different this time.
it was perfect.
i had nothing to do with it.
and that feels amazing.an unbelievable day.
an ingenious outfit.now. i’m on the couch.
my father and i are on a jason bateman kick.
arrested development with my father.
i’m a horrible daughter.
i feel more like a dad.this is the best gift he couldve given me for father’s day.
unbelievable.
